


My Whole Existence Is Flawed

by Ladybrain86



Series: It Runs Even Deeper [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Blow Jobs, Canon Divergence - Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Choking, Cum Marking, Descriptive Sex, F/M, Force Bond, Naked Female Clothed Male, Oral Sex, PWP, Personality Disorder, Reylo - Freeform, Size Kink, Songfic, Vaginal Sex, Voice Kink, Wall Sex, force bond sex, helmet kink, mask kink, no kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:00:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21867898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladybrain86/pseuds/Ladybrain86
Summary: There was no point denying what was about to happen. She was drawn to him, like ferrous metal to a magnet.He kept his helmet on the entire time.Part 3 of a series but can be read as a standalone PWP.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: It Runs Even Deeper [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1522385
Comments: 5
Kudos: 137





	My Whole Existence Is Flawed

**Author's Note:**

> Happy TRoS week, Reylos! Apparently I can’t stop writing about these two banging so...here’s this PWP. I guess this is my new lot in life? Things could be worse.
> 
> I’m still spoiler free for the movie and in fact I probably won’t even check back here until after I see it Saturday. So as far as I know this is canon compliant.
> 
> This fic is inspired by the song Closer by NIN. I don’t own that or Star Wars. For those of you who read this, thank you for checking it out and I hope you enjoy it!

—

_You can have my isolation  
You can have the hate that it brings  
Help me  
Tear down my reason  
Help me become somebody else_

—

Jedi training was going slowly but surely for Rey. She had finally found a replacement kyber crystal for Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber. However, she now had the daunting task of reconstructing it. She found the crystal on the planet she, Chewie and R2-D2 were currently stationed.

They used the trusty old _Millennium Falcon_ as a makeshift base. She was a large enough ship to easily accommodate just the three of them. Rey didn’t want to leave this planet until she was finished repairing the lightsaber just in case she needed to forage for another crystal. She thought she had chosen an appropriate one, but she had no way of knowing until she started to put it all together. 

Besides, she felt like she was making great progress in her training. She had been traveling a lot lately and it was nice to settle down somewhere for more than a few days. The lightsaber could wait until tomorrow. For now she was due for a well earned and much needed sonic shower.

Chewie had left to hunt for their dinner and took R2-D2 with him. They would be gone for an hour or two at least, she figured. She would get clean and even have some time alone afterwards. Perhaps she would take another crack at deciphering the Jedi texts. Or she could meditate. Or maybe she would really spoil herself, and do nothing at all.

Rey was just wrapping a towel around herself after leaving the fresher when she felt Ben’s presence penetrate her mind. It was so sudden an intrusion that she faltered, holding a hand out to the doorframe of the Captain’s quarters where she had taken up residence. She felt the adrenaline coursing in his veins, she felt the flush on his cheeks. She felt his red hot rage.

Not Ben, she realized. Not right now. This was Kylo Ren.

She turned her head and suddenly he was there in the room with her. The bond had connected fully on her end, and she felt the anger coming off of him in waves now. He was facing away from her, his head bowed low and shoulders hunched over. She noticed that he was wearing a cape and cowl. He must have replaced the one he gave her the last time they were together. She still had the old one, kept safe and tucked away for weak moments when she missed him desperately. Then she would hold it close to her and fall asleep smelling his scent.

Even though he had his back to her, his cowl was down and she could tell he was wearing his refurbished helmet. He was breathing heavily, trying to contain the turbulence of his emotions and the Dark Side as it ebbed and flowed through him. His gloved fists clenched and unclenched compulsively. 

When Kylo felt his end of the bond completely snap into place, he stood up straight and turned around. He looked just like he did on Tokodana when he hunted her in the woods. Intimidating. Larger than life. A dark soldier come to capture her. Frightening. The only differences now were the jagged red cracks in his mask.

He skulked towards her until he was within arm’s reach. She tipped her head up to look into the silver-rimmed visor of the mask, knowing that his dark eyes smoldered behind it. Stars, he absolutely towered over her. How could she forget how positively massive he was? The helmet added at least an inch to his already impressive height.

Her fingers clenched on the corner of the towel where she held it wrapped tightly around her naked body. They itched with a brazen desire to relax and drop it to the floor. He released a heavy breath that came through as static on the voice modulator. There was a pang of arousal that slipped through the bond, overpowering his anger for just a second. He had sensed her desire to let him see her. Good. She had him distracted, maybe she could get him to tell her what was going on.

“What has you in such a state?” Rey attempted to be noncommittal and casual. However, she wasn’t entirely confident that’s how she sounded. She was worried that her query came off too flippant.

“I just punched Hux in his fucking smug face. That’s what.” Kylo’s voice was alarmingly even and measured considering the information being relayed. Maybe it was the monotone quality the modulator gave his voice, but he sounded almost devoid of emotion. She knew he wasn’t though. Rey felt his Force signature pulse wildly with conflict, with his internal battle between Light and Dark. The mask may have kept his facial expressions hidden, but he couldn’t keep his feelings from her. Not as she became even more sensitive to the Force these recent weeks. Her eyes darted down to his gloved fist and sure enough she saw a smear of wet blood on his knuckles.

“Would you like to talk about it?” She ventured cautiously.

“Not at all, actually. I’ve had more than enough politics for one day.” He rumbled as he wiped the blood away with the edge of his cape. The slick fabric of his glove easily came clean.

She was surprised he hadn’t taken off his helmet yet. Maybe he had to keep it on, for some reason or another. She flushed with unexpected excitement at seeing him wear it while pulsing with so much raw energy. She recalled wondering, all those weeks ago on Chandrila, what it would be like to fuck him while he was wearing his mask. That curious notion had not abated and he hadn’t forgotten his promise that he would show her one day.

“You don’t want to talk anyway.” Kylo tilted his head coyly as he spoke. She could hear a devious smirk in the tone of his voice. It was frustrating, Rey surmised, having a lover who could read your mind.

Their bond had flickered in and out in the two months since they had spent those precious few days together on Chandrila. Additionally, their meetings were always fleeting, much too brief for either of their liking. They were barely together long enough that they could steal a kiss before the bond closed off. One night they fell asleep in each other’s arms, but when she stirred only a quarter hour later, he was gone. 

This connection felt more solid and enduring somehow. She made a wholehearted effort to concentrate fully on him, in an attempt to strengthen the bond. Maybe it would last long enough that they could both make the most of this encounter.

“You’re right, I don’t.” She said as she smirked up at him. The door to her quarters was closed, but she pressed a button by the doorframe, making sure that it was locked tight. There was no point denying what was about to happen. She was drawn to him, like ferrous metal to a magnet. She loosened her grip on the towel and let it fall away, baring herself to him completely. He hummed in satisfaction and bit his lip, which of course she couldn’t see.

He reached out to caress her cheek, pressing his thumb between her parted lips. She gave the invading digit a little lick, and fell to her knees. His gasp was given depth and emphasis through the modulator as she ran her hand sensuously over the front of his hips. He was half-hard and gaining. With her nimble hands, she lifted the flaps of his tunic so she could unfasten his trousers.

“I hope you’re alone.” Rey teased as she pulled him roughly into her hand. Kylo let out a small grunt as she began to stroke him.

“Fortunately I am. I came straight to a training facility to blow off some steam. At this hour, no one is here. Most...hng...” His breath caught in his throat when she flicked her wrist just so, before he continued. “Most people tend to avoid me anyway.”

That comment made her pity him, albeit briefly. Isolation was something she knew very well. Apparently, she shared that in common with Kylo Ren. But now wasn’t the time to philosophize on shared loneliness, not with his cock inches from her face. It was time to find carnal release with the only person in the galaxy that truly understood her. For a few moments, if the Force allowed it, neither of them would be so alone. 

From her limited experience with him, Rey knew Ben wasn’t a gentle lover. There were moments where he could be soft and sweet. But more often he was very intense and precise. Meticulous was a word that came to mind. Deliberate. Driven. Much like how he fought. He always made sure she met her pleasure just as often, if not more, than he did. She wondered if Kylo was any different. She supposed she would find out soon enough.

When she took his cock into her mouth and gazed up at him through damp eyelashes, she drank in the sight of him. Had anyone told her four months ago that she would be on her knees sucking off the great and terrible Kylo Ren, she would have balked. Life had a funny way of surprising her, recently.

She no longer feared him, even now as Ben was hidden underneath that helm and the layers of fury and torment that Kylo thrived on. She still hated the mask and everything it represented, but when she gazed up at it her sex _ached_. She found that ridiculous, awful thing to be such a turn on. And his voice through the modulator, Maker, she was wet just thinking about it. It didn’t make any sense and she was momentarily ashamed. But he soon distracted her with a slow thrust of his hips.

Rey hummed around his cock as she sucked him in deep, almost to the base before she pulled back. As she drew him in once again, he pressed a hand to the back of her head. His fingers tangled in her wet hair and he growled.

“Yes, just like that, sweetheart.” Kylo said in a provocative tone that sent shocks of pleasure straight to her core. She moaned around him and increased her pace, reaching down to press the heel of her palm against her needy center. He brought his other hand to settle on her scalp and she was completely at his behest. He fucked into her mouth with abandon until she gagged and he pulled out abruptly.

“Enough.” He ordered. “I want to make this last. On your feet.”

Thrill and arousal trickled down her spine as she stood. She should have felt vulnerable and exposed like this in front of him, but all she felt was unabashedly turned on. When he lifted her effortlessly in his arms, she wrapped her legs around him enthusiastically. Her feet tangled in his heavy cape as he pressed his cock deliciously up against her slit.

“There’s a wall...behind me if you...” He didn’t even let her finish speaking before positioning her against said wall, using it as leverage for what he was about to do next. When he rammed inside her without warning, she yelped. He dropped his head slightly and his helmet grazed against her face and neck. She hissed through her teeth, shocked by the brush of cold metal on her skin. He chuckled at her reactions and she would say something sarcastic if she could. But all she could fathom right now was his hard cock inside her and his gloved hands clutching her thighs tight enough to bruise.

Rey wrapped her arms around Kylo’s neck and pressed her forehead against the silver inlay of his mask, right above the visor. Unsure of his visibility, she bit her lip hoping that he could see how wanton she was for him. The pain of his initial penetration had subsided, but he still wasn’t moving. Finally, she found the wherewithal to speak.

“Move, you brute, or I’ll...” She gulped on her vacant threat as his first real thrust all but split her open.

“Or you‘ll what?” He asked innocently as he pulled out almost completely before sinking in deep again. When his question was met with silence, he couldn’t help but respond smugly.

“That’s what I thought.”

He set a steady pace and before she knew it, she was writhing her hips in time with his. For a while, they rutted adamantly. He repositioned his arms so he was supporting her completely with his left and freeing his right. That right hand skidded up her belly and ribs until he could squeeze her left breast. The leather of his gloves squeaked as his thick fingers teased her nipple relentlessly.

“Why do you let me complicate you like this?” Kylo murmured, tilting his head slightly. The question was slightly muffled through the modulator. They were both half-mad with lust and Rey had trouble making sense of the question.

“There’s nothing complicated about what we’re doing here.” She panted, fogging the dark metal of his mask briefly. 

“Oh, isn’t there? Who’s fucking you right now, Rey?” He straightened his head and looked her dead on, as if reminding her of what he was wearing. She clenched her eyes shut, but rubbed her cheek against the pocked black surface of his helmet. Her lips dragged against the red divots near the mouthpiece, leaving a wet trail of her saliva behind. As she did this, she contemplated how she missed his plush, full lips on hers. Regardless of that wistful desire for a kiss, she sighed, enjoying the solid fullness of his cock within her. 

“Say it.” He commanded, impatiently. She had to play along. She was the one that wanted this after all. She couldn’t deny what the warm black leather and frigid metal indicated. She couldn’t deny him gratification, it wouldn’t be fair.

Still, she hesitated. He abandoned her breast and lifted his huge hand to grasp firmly around her neck. He squeezed there until it became just shy of uncomfortable to breathe.

 _Is he pretending all that much for me? Or is this real?_ Rey pondered.

“Say it.” Kylo whispered this time as he applied more pressure to his grip, almost cutting off her air completely. He slammed up into her fiercely and she squirmed in his arms. The pleasure was overwhelming and she wondered what kind of woman this made her.

“Kylo Ren!” She whined as she threw her head back, bumping it against the wall. His too-tight grip subsided then, and she sucked in a deep breath, filling her lungs with air.

“That’s right.” He purred. A reward was in order for her. He lowered his hand, the one that had been choking her just moments before, down her torso and belly, through the sparse hair over her mound until he found her clit. He toyed with the engorged nub, rubbing in tight circles. The rough leather of his gloves added a pleasant texture to his strokes and it wasn’t long before she tipped over the edge. She cried out her sweet release as he fucked her through her orgasm. 

Once she had come down, she was dead weight in his arms. He was close, but he wanted to end this a little differently than their previous encounters. He carried her away from the wall and across the small room, pulling out of her and dropping her none too gently on the bed. She glimpsed up at him, still slightly dazed from her release. She wasn’t going anywhere, but he still pressed his left hand to her shoulder, pinning her against the mattress.

Kylo then took himself in hand and began stroking his cock over her at a fervent pace. He was absolutely feral like this and Rey had to admit she enjoyed the sight. His cape draped over them both, hiding them from the outside world. Here, it was only them. He crowded into her space, the grotesque mask inches from her face. She craned her neck up to lick along one of the red adhesive cracks on the mouthpiece and that’s when he lost all control. 

He roared his release, the modulator amplifying and distorting his voice. He sounded inhuman and animalistic as he came in hot, thick spurts across her abdomen. He panted in the come down, catching his breath as he tucked himself back in his trousers. He regarded his spend on her stomach almost curiously before he ran his fingers through it, rubbing it into her skin. Her stomach muscles twitched at his bold touch, but she soon purred in delight. She reached up and cupped where his cheek would be, if he weren’t wearing the helmet. The metal was ice cold under her fingers, a stark contrast to the heat and passion they just shared.

“Ben...” Rey whispered almost imperceptibly. Her lips had barely moved.

“Rey, thank you for leading me through the dark.” As soon as the words reached her ears, he was gone.

She moaned in frustration at the sudden separation of the bond, and flopped her head against the mattress. She hadn’t even gotten to kiss him. Not properly anyway. 

However, she did find a sultry fulfillment in running her own fingers through his sticky seed as it dried on her skin. Kylo Ren may have fucked her raw, but Ben Solo is the man who said those words to her before he disappeared. She wished she could let him know that he led her through the dark, too. Together they were two imperfect beings that, somehow, found balance even after treading dangerously through that darkness.

—


End file.
